Decompression sickness.

5/14/2008 07:45:00 pm

Well, life goes on apparently. Regardless of everything else.

When I came back to Australia all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep it off (the travel, the Australia, etc) for a few years, but I couldn't do that because I had an exam three days after I got back. Understandable I studied little and didn't do so well, so all-in-all, not a great way to commence reentry. But it was the last exam of my science degree and I passed, so that much is ok at least.

To be honest here, things have not been ok.

Apart from some superficial things, like resenting the fact that I now have to pay $160 per week for rent, I only just got the internet connected, and that we have a creeeeeeepy landlord, it's been really hard to readjust to my life and realise that many of my friends have moved on or have been left behind, and that in many ways, I think I miss my friends from Sweden more than I missed anyone when I was away.

Add to that my total discomfort with the courses I'm doing at uni right now (completely out of my depth, I am), a very sad, extended period of breaking up, and a gradual loss of motivation and direction the likes of which I've never come across before. I've been keeping very busy, I did four weeks of lab work in Immunology at UNSW, and a professional cake decorating course (there should always be a backup plan I believe), and now I'm working two jobs, one is mindless but not retail, the other is lab demonstrating at uni. But at the end of the day I still end up in the same place.

Picture the scene if you will, I am lying on the bed on a Friday night (because I have become socially isolated and retarded you see), listening to music because I've run out of books that aren't related to things I cannot understand, when I realise that the song playing is one I listened to as I rode my bike to class, or as I walked across frosty grass on those amazing freezing blue-sky mornings, or it's from the playlist I used so many times to get to sleep on the night bus to Oslo. Well, reader, that's the point where the tears well up in my eyes and they leak out even when I squeeze my lids as tight shut as I can.

At least it can only get better from here, hopefully this is just the U-curve repeated.
Mel is pretty sure that's what is happening and that it will feel better soon.

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