I was in the pool on Sunday when I saw another swimmer who looked very much like an old neighbour of mine, we'll call him Ali. Because that was his name.

Luckily I was swimming laps so I had on my goggles and bright yellow swimming cap, thus I was incognito. Luckily, even more so, on closer inspection I don't actually think it was him. The point is though, that seeing this doppelgänger, triggered an old memory, one that had been buried deep down toward the left of my dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. As a side note, don't you just love how I'm pulling out all these fancy words; I'm in the mood for obfuscation. Ahaha, that's all the funnier because it's a fancy word in itself. Anyway.

A number of years ago, I was at a party at one of the other apartments in the uni housing where I lived. From what I remember, I had a few glasses of very sweet wine, which, combined with exhaustion from exam study, meant that I needed to have a lie down. I was just resting mind you..

Ali had lived a very sheltered life and for some reason had got it in to his head that I was some kind of vixen. I'm not sure where he got that idea, but it was apparently very firmly entrenched as was evidenced by a curious discussion we had in the hedge one night at 3am about oral sex (except that he kept saying 'cunnilingus', which was very hilarious because of his accent).

So, there I am, having a rest in my friend's bed. People were coming and going, sitting on the bed for a chat, rubbing my back and making soothing noises about my exam stress, it was all very jolly. Then, in a quiet moment, in came Ali and he lay down on top of me, baby-turtle style, and whispered, nay crooned, in to my ear, "Ellie, I want you to teach me how to make love."

Needless to say, I declined.

It's amazing the things that happen while I'm in the pool.