But what will you do?

3/04/2016 09:11:00 pm

Have you heard the news? We are moving to Dubai .... Where Rob will fly a very large plane and I will do hmmmn, well, yes, that's a good question.

Go big or don't bother, eh....15kms away from the Burj Khalifa, and there's no missing it
Just so you're prepared, what follows is mostly hormone-drive stream-of-consciousness hysteria, but it was the full moon when I started drafting.... I put some nice photos in to keep you going though.

I overthink, therefore I worry. Until two days ago, I didn't know that there is an actual term for what is happening right now: "trailing spouse syndrome", so if you want to read the short version, just have a quick skim on wiki!

Apparently these powerlines near Meydan Heights are going underground soon....
I am struggling right now with this impending and drastic life change. I am struggling for many reasons. There are the practical aspects: we don't know yet where we will live, therefore I cannot start researching the neighbourhood to investigate the closest grocery store and the public transport options. Without having a general idea of the location, I can't make plans, and plans and structure are one of my coping mechanisms for anxiety. We don't know about the specifics of the health insurance yet, and therefore do not know if I will be travelling back to Australia every 8 weeks for an infusion. I am worried about the heat, especially because I am likely going to arrive in July, i.e. the hottest time of year. I am worried about the things I have read on the internet about the flying hours, and the lack of home life, and the fact that every time we travel internationally Rob gets a head cold. Will he now perpetually have a head cold? He is particularly susceptible to the man cold, so .... Just imagine....

I'll visit one day, even if I didn't quite get there last time - Jumeirah Mosque

And then, bigger picture, the question: "But what will you do?"

I am struggling to figure out where I fit into this new picture as something other than a pilot's wife, or the oven for a bun.

Didn't see the dancing fountains either, but luckily I've got some time in Dubai coming up and I'll be able to catch up on the things I missed. Maybe not in July when I arrive, and it's 46 degrees, but I've got allllll the time in the world come winter

One of the things that I am very happy about at this point in time is that I am in a good place financially. Money, or lack thereof, has always caused me a great deal of anxiety. As a student, every last cent came into play and I struggled with the somewhat self-imposed impression that being an adult meant not asking for help. I quite literally worried myself sick, when realistically (isn't hindsight wonderful), I could have picked up the phone and called my mum. But you see, I didn't want to be a burden, and the few times that my brother and I asked our father for help financially, it was so unpleasant that I preferred to be poor. Can you imagine my amazement when I went shopping for the first time with Rob, who had a real job, and he didn't have to do a running tally of the things going into the basket to make sure that the total was no more than $12.07 exactly? And he could buy the nice toilet paper!

Financial independence is empowering, and soon I will quite possibly pretty much depend on Rob. And I can't quite get my head around it. I have tried to express to him that I am an expensive machine to run, but, I don't think he quite gets it (although he is trying)....you see, I like nice things, and when you pay your own credit card bills, you don't have to justify it to anyone but yourself!

And then, in Sydney, my social sphere is largely driven by work. We spend a third of our time at work, and I like my colleagues. I like that I am good at my job, and that I am starting to build a reputation for myself. I have been in the same field now for a few years, and I am proud that I can say that I actually have an area of expertise. My work plays a large role in my identity. And so I will need to do some re-shaping. But what will I do? Well I'm not sure (that's not entirely correct, but I'm too overwhelmed right now to be rational).

And I'm annoyed at my body for letting me down. I'm a total hypochondriac, so the idea of having an exotic illness was always, in the abstract, vaguely appealing. But turns out that chronic illness absolutely sucks, and bowel disease (ulcerative colitis) is not even remotely exotic. It involves speaking to doctors about your bottom, and cameras and scopes in places very much devoid of sunshine, and medicine that lands you in hospital in Scotland with pancreatitis (i.e. the most excruciating agony imaginable). It is draining, physically and mentally, and even with things relatively under control now I'm on all the drugs known to man, it just might never get better. Check your dignity at the door.

Here are my options:
  1. Do nothing. Go mad. 
  2. Become a consultant. Find something about which to consult. 
  3. Find a job locally. Complicated by my current health situation. 
  4. Hope for the best and keep busy. 
  5. Make my own cheese and start baking. 

I'm going to try and stick with options 4 and 5 in the short term.

But what else will I do? Well, right now I am so pissed at myself for sounding so negative about something that is actually amazing!

At least Dubai has its own instagram hashtag.... I will work on gaining more followers and building my internet-acclaim worldwide!! #MyDubai!

So I'm going to try and get it all out now, go with the flow then, and keep looking at the bright side.

After all, it only rains 7 days per year in Dubai, so I'd better get ready for some sunshine.

On the most full-on day of interviewing, I returned to the hotel after Rob had gone to the eye hospital for part of the medical. The first thing I  saw on the bed was that book, and I thought "Holy shit the HR/PR is good...they got this into the room while we were both out!" But actually, Rob had left it on the bed earlier in the day so I could look too :D

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