A life spent in transit

4/07/2016 08:03:00 pm

For each of the statements below, give yourself one point. If you feel particularly strongly, two points. If your score is greater than two, you are spending a lot of time in transit. Congratulate yourself on how much cheaper it is than owning a car. 

Are you a career commuter:

1. You know the latest time at which you can leave the house and still make your train. To the second.

2. You know the maximum allowable number of people in the coffee line before you will miss the train.

3. Your arrival time at work is based on the likelihood of the train being air-conditioned and the number of steps required to change to your connecting line at Central.

4. You choose your carriage strategically, based on where the exit is at your destination and the location of stairs vs escalators.

5. You know that the large man who travels in the second carriage and sits in the corner seat of the vestibule always gets out at Sydenham, thereby guaranteeing you a seat. Strategy.

6. When you get a seat from start to finish you are filled with overwhelming good juju and positivity: 'My morning is going great, I am in the best mood right now! This is going to be the best day!!' When you have a seat, you don't even care if there are delays.

7. You take pleasure in whacking people who won't move with your bag as you squeeze past them. And you don't say sorry.

8. Your stink eye is well practised and is frequently targeted at manspreaders, people whose headphones leak out too much terrible techno, loud talkers, aforementioned vestibule-standers, and bags which get their own seat.

9. Your gait is such that you don't need to change the timing of your step as you pass through the ticket gate. Consequently, a mis-swiped Opal card (yours or the person in front) results in you barrelling, full steam ahead, into the still-closed barrier/person ahead. A concertina of commuters.

10. You volunteer to take the train to off-site meetings. Come on journey number 8. Also, with the superiority of someone who does this a lot, you know that the train will be faster than a taxi.

11. You know, exactly, the peaks and troughs of 4G mobile reception on your journey. You also know that if you're anywhere between Central and Sydenham and the phone rings there's no point answering: the signal will drop out.

12. The only State minister whose name you know at any given time is the Minister for Transport, and yes, they are all terrible.

13. You adore complaining about how shitty commuting is, whilst you browse on insta, read a book and catch up on episodes of This American Life.

14. What can you say? You just hate to drive. 

By the way, my score is 16, and I'll leave it up to you to work out which of the above points I feel most strongly about...

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