Can we talk a little bit about Helen?

Helen likes birds. I like birds. Helen likes things made out I felt. I like things made out of felt.

I like Helen lots. Helen likes... hmmn, well... stuff

Helen is in Canada. I don't think she's ever coming home. Bitch better mount a mountie if she ends up staying there forever. When she finally does come home, if she does come home, she will be thinner and more muscular than me because she will have been snow boarding lots. And I will be dead jealous and hate her guts. For a little while. It's just the way our friendship works.

I made a birdie for Helen. I made him out of felt. And then I posed him in my pot of pansies because I thought it was ironic and whimsical. I'm all about whimsy, as well you know.

She better wear the damn thing or else I will be forced to come and remove her from Canada against her will, and have her extradited to Australia for crimes against awesome.

Or something like that, anyway.