Snakes and ladders

4/26/2012 10:42:00 pm

Mother fucker. I had reconciled myself to the idea that, when applied with a touch more delicate than a moonlit butterfly's gossamer wing, sheer tights may last somewhere between 1 and 2 wears. And you know, fine, sheer tights cost more per outing than any other item of clothing known to woman. That's just fine. But twice, twice lately I have laddered a brand new pair of sheers whilst putting them on. And they were the expensive Voodoo ones, not even the shitty grandma coloured ones from Coles. What The Fuck.

I have something stuck in my craw, and it's probably a laddered shred of nylon in 'midnight'...

Sportsgirl tights, which are allegedy one size, are apparently only 'one size' if that size is less than 10 and under 5 feet tall. Even a fucking midget would be unable to wear stockings from Sportsgirl because their legs would be too fat. And they don't have reinforced toes, so assuming you haven't already poked a hole through the waistband trying to yank them back up your ass cheeks throughout the day, they are guaranteed to ladder before lunchtime. 

Is this some kind of conspiracy? Are they engineered to fail at a certain point, like the planned obsolescence of an 18 month old iPhone?? And it's discrimination against people with fat thighs.


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